STUDENT PROTESTS AGAINST PUNCTUALITY

Event Title: “Time is a Tool of Oppression: Smash the Clock!”

Location: Outside the Lecture Theatre (doors chained shut until “the vibe is right”)

Organised by:

• Students for Temporal Liberation

• The Anti-Chronology Front

• Society for Affective Rhythms

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SLOGANS ON PLACARDS

• “9AM is Colonial Violence!”

• “Tick-Tock = Patriarchy!”

• “Liberate Learning from Greenwich Mean Time!”

• “Clocks Out, Spirits In!”

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PROTEST RITUALS

• Students arrive at “whatever o’clock.”

• Lectures begin only once the group has achieved “collective circadian resonance.”

• Attendance sheets replaced by dream journals.

• Professors forced to open their lectures with:

  “I will speak when the moon consents.”

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ADMINISTRATIVE RESPONSE

The Dean (he/him reluctantly) issues a memo:

“We understand that punctuality is experienced as epistemic violence by some students.

Effective immediately, attendance will be recorded in vibes per hour (VPH) rather than minutes.”

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STUDENT TESTIMONIAL

“I once missed an exam because my alarm clock rang. That felt like coercion.

From now on, I’ll wake when my ancestors whisper ‘it is time.’”

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VISUALS

• Broken alarm clocks piled like barricades.

• Students chaining themselves to sundials.

• A giant inflatable metronome toppled in triumph.

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SLOGAN

“No justice, no peace, no scheduled release!”