The Thought Occurs
Monday, 21 July 2025
STUDENT TRIBUNAL – “THE ENTHUSIASM HEARING”
Location: The Reclamation Courtroom (formerly the common room)
Case Title: The People vs. Theo (he/him)
Allegation: Failure to meet the Community Standard of Vocal Upliftment during the chant, “No Borders, No Binaries, No Brunch Without Consent”
PRESIDING OFFICER: Sage-River (they/fae)
Clerk of Harm Documentation: Indigo (they/them)
Witnesses for the Collective: Ashleigh (she/her), Morgan (xe/xem), Jordan (he/they)
Accused: Theo (he/him), second-year sociology student, cardigan-wearer, suspected introvert
SAGE-RIVER (they/fae):
This tribunal is now in session. We are here to determine whether Theo (he/him) did, with measurable flatness of tone, utter the sacred chant without sufficient fervour, thereby undermining collective morale and potentially triggering nearby listeners who rely on rhythmic solidarity for emotional stability.
INDIGO (they/them) (reading from parchment made of recycled protest flyers)
The exact chant was: "No Borders, No Binaries, No Brunch Without Consent."
It was recited at precisely 3:14pm during the “Radical Inclusion Picnic.”
Theo was observed delivering the final line in what witnesses described as a "lukewarm baritone" and with a facial expression bordering on contemplative.
WITNESS TESTIMONIES
ASHLEIGH (she/her):
I was there. I felt… emotionally unheld. I made eye contact with Theo and saw not righteous rage, but… mild uncertainty. It was sonic betrayal.
MORGAN (xe/xem):
The rhythm broke. My breathwork collapsed. I had to realign my chakras with an emergency sound bath.
JORDAN (he/they):
Theo’s vibe was practically centrist.
DEFENSE STATEMENT
THEO (he/him):
I—I’m sorry. I didn’t realise enthusiasm had been standardised. I was trying to chant thoughtfully. I was feeling the words deeply… just maybe not loudly.
SAGE-RIVER (they/fae):
Ah. Feeling the words. The classic internalised fascism via introspection. Theo, this is a community, not a TED Talk.
INDIGO (they/them):
May I remind the tribunal that the absence of overt passion is also a passion. A harmful one.
CLOSING RITUAL: MANDATORY EMOTION CIRCLE
SAGE-RIVER (they/fae):
Before we reach sentencing, we will conduct a circle of tonal reckoning. Theo, you must now repeat the chant with feeling, surrounded by the harmed parties, while holding a decorative tambourine blessed by the Committee for Rhythmic Healing.
THEO (he/him) (shaking, breathless)
No… borders… no binaries… no brunch… without… consent…
ASHLEIGH (she/her):
Flat. Still flat.
MORGAN (xe/xem):
He’s brunch-neutral. I knew it.
SAGE-RIVER (they/fae):
Theo, you are hereby sentenced to six weeks of restorative chanting under supervision. You will also attend the workshop “Finding Your Inner Slogan: Reclaiming the Voice of Collective Fury.”
THEO (he/him):
Can I appeal?
INDIGO (they/them):
Appeals are a colonial form. Case closed.
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