Trump Rally: "Make Discourse Analysis Positive Again!"
"Alright, folks, listen up! I’m here to talk about something very important—something we’ve all been talking about, but no one’s really talked about it enough. You know what I’m talking about—discourse analysis. Now, I know what you’re thinking, ‘What does Trump know about discourse analysis?’ And let me tell you, folks, I know everything. They tried to say I didn’t know about discourse analysis, but guess what? I know more than any of them. Huge knowledge, folks."
(The crowd, slightly confused but eager to cheer, claps anyway.)
"Now, here’s the problem. There’s this thing called Critical Discourse Analysis, or CDA. And let me tell you, it’s the worst. All they do is look at everything and say, ‘Oh, look at the power! Look at the oppression!’ I mean, who cares about power? I’m a guy who’s all about winning. We don’t need this critical nonsense—we need to be positive, folks! Positive Discourse Analysis—PDA! It’s going to be huge. You haven’t seen anything like it."
(A few puzzled murmurs in the crowd, but Trump barrels on.)
"So what’s PDA? Well, first, let me tell you about critical discourse analysis—they’re always talking about power structures, they love that word. Power. They say, ‘Oh, look, there’s inequality.’ I’m like, Who cares about inequality? *You want a solution? That’s what we need, a solution. Positive solutions. Positive discourse, people, not negativity! If I want negativity, I’ll listen to CNN for five minutes. Don’t need that."
(The crowd starts to clap, trying to keep up.)
"You know what Positive Discourse Analysis is, folks? It’s simple. It’s about praise. You look at something, and instead of saying, ‘Oh, this is problematic,’ you say, ‘This is the best thing I’ve ever seen!’ Look at that beautiful tweet I made last night—the best tweet. And you know what? That’s PDA. I’m telling you, the best people are doing the best things. That’s positive discourse analysis. It’s all about celebrating—none of this problematic deconstruction—we’re celebrating greatness. Making everything great again."
(A couple of people look at each other, confused, but they cheer anyway.)
"Now, let’s get real here. You think CDA is about fixing things? No, folks. It’s about complaining. All they do is sit there in their tiny little offices, saying, ‘Oh, there’s power over here, and inequality over there!’ Who cares? We’ve got the greatest country in the world. Let’s talk about that. Let’s talk about all the amazing things happening in every single community. That’s what PDA is all about—celebrating how good things are."
(Someone in the crowd yells, “But what about the problems?” Trump waves them off.)
“Who needs problems? Let’s just focus on the good stuff! Let’s say, ‘Hey, look at that problem over there. Wow, that’s a great problem!’ It’s all about the frame, folks! You frame things in a positive way. If there’s a pothole, don’t say, ‘Oh, that’s a bad pothole, we should fix it!’ No! You say, ‘Wow, what a beautiful pothole! Look at how deep it is!’ That’s what positive discourse analysis is about."
(The crowd is clapping along, a few people unsure whether they should cheer or just nod.)
“Now, folks, I’ve been around—I’ve seen things. No one does analysis better than me. Some people say, ‘Oh, look at all the injustice in the world.’ I say, *‘No, folks, don’t look at the injustice, look at the justice that’s coming, it’s gonna be huge.’ We’ve got greatness in every word. Every sentence. Every discourse.”
(The crowd starts chanting, “Make Discourse Positive Again!” in a confused but enthusiastic manner.)
"Exactly, folks, exactly. Positive discourse analysis means no negativity. No more saying, ‘There’s this power structure, there’s this hierarchy.’ That’s over. That’s been done. We’re talking about praise. We’re talking about recognition. You’ve got a great garden? Amazing. You’ve got a little traffic jam? Incredible. That’s PDA. It’s all about celebrating the good things. I’ve been doing it my whole life."
(Trump pauses dramatically.)
“You know, people said I couldn’t do this, they said, ‘Trump doesn’t understand discourse analysis.’ Wrong! I’m telling you, I’ve been doing PDA before it was even a thing. Just like I’ve been making America great again before it was even a thing. Now, who’s ready to praise our amazing country with positive discourse? Who’s ready to make discourse positive again?"
(The crowd erupts, chanting, “PDA! PDA!”)
“Thank you, thank you, folks! I’m telling you, you’re the best! We’re going to celebrate everything. Positive analysis, big wins—huge wins! Thank you, thank you!”
(Trump waves, the crowd still chanting “Make Discourse Positive Again!” as confused faces scatter, unsure whether they just learned something or got caught up in the Trumpian moment.)
