Scene: The "Committing More Meaning" Seminar at the Pseudo-Intellectual Colloquium
The room is packed with overly eager academics, each clutching their notebooks like they’re about to receive the final secret of the universe. The sign on the wall reads, “Commit to More Meaning—The Future of Knowledge Production.”
Seminar Leader (Professor Maximus Meaningberg, self-proclaimed “Philosopher of Meaning Creation”):
Welcome, fellow intellectuals! Today, we explore the cutting-edge practice of committing more meaning. Now, some of you may be asking, “What is more meaning?” Is it meaning plus, meaning extended, or simply an additive function of meaning? The answer is: yes, all of that—and none of it. We’ll be expanding the meaning potential of every utterance, every gesture, and even the very way we breathe!
Audience (nodding sagely, making mental notes of “meaning potential”):
#MoreMeaning #MeaningPotential
Professor Meaningberg (pointing dramatically at a whiteboard full of nonsensical diagrams):
As we commit more meaning, we must understand that meaning is a resource. It’s like a digital currency—the more we commit, the more it multiplies. By the end of today’s seminar, we’ll all have an exponential increase in our meaning portfolios. Each of you will leave here more meaning-rich than when you entered!
Audience (scribbling furiously):
#MeaningRich #MeaningPortfolio
Panelist 1 (Dr. Clarify McConfusion, the “Subjective Meaning Expert”):
Ah, but what is the nature of the meaning we’re committing? For it to be truly meaningful, it must, of course, remain ambiguous. We must leave behind the rigid structures of clarity and embrace the power of perpetual meaning production. Imagine the joy of unresolved meaning! A question that never gets answered—now that’s the essence of more meaning.
Audience (whispering amongst themselves):
#UnresolvedMeaning #MeaningProduction
Panelist 2 (Professor Boundless, self-appointed "Leading Figure in Abstract Meaning and Nothingness"):
Exactly! I’d like to add that committing more meaning is inherently a process of expanding ambiguity. Each time we commit to something, we must make it more complex, more multi-dimensional. If your meaning can be reduced, you’re not committing enough meaning. The goal is infinite expansion. The limit is not the limit—it’s the new beginning!
Audience (looking slightly dazed but holding up their pens with renewed enthusiasm):
#InfiniteExpansion #TheNewBeginning #MeaningNeverEnds
Professor Meaningberg (raising a hand for emphasis):
Let me bring this to a close by inviting you all to commit to this phrase: “I am meaning, I am the meaning of meaning.” Say it with me! It’s a mantra of ultimate commitment!
Audience (chanting in unison):
“I am meaning, I am the meaning of meaning.”
“I am meaning, I am the meaning of meaning.”
"I am—wait, what is meaning again?"
Here, we explore the hilarious and contradictory idea that “more meaning” is the ultimate goal, despite the fact that no one actually has a clear definition of what that means. It’s a form of intellectual inflation where every term gets stretched to the point of being completely meaningless, yet everyone buys into it because it sounds profound.
The act of committing more meaning becomes a performance—something to demonstrate commitment to without ever actually achieving anything substantive. It’s all about multiplying the complexity of words and concepts until their original meaning has been completely obscured, turning “meaning” into an ever-expanding, self-referential, and entirely vacuous ideal.
The absurdity lies in the fact that no one ever questions what meaning is—because, in this world, meaning is something that exists only to be increased for the sake of it. And the more convoluted the explanations, the more committed they appear to be.
Bonus satire: The absurd "meaning portfolios" could evolve into social currency—academics could start bragging about how much “meaning” they've accumulated, leading to a new trend in academia where the accumulation of meaning is more important than actually understanding anything.
It's a perfect metaphor for how performative intellectualism can turn something vital into an empty, meaningless exercise in pretension.
