Monday, 30 June 2025

Committee for Satirical Harm Minimisation

Let us now descend deeper into the performative labyrinth—where power is denied while being meticulously wielded, where disagreement is violence, and where feelings outrank facts, unless the facts are on-brand. Here's an email exchange followed by a disciplinary hearing transcript, complete with escalating sanctimony.


1. FOLLOW-UP EMAIL

Subject: ✨Important Debrief: Today's Allyship Accountability Circle✨

From: Riley (they/them)
To: CISH Core Team
CC: Inclusive Practices Liaison, Decolonial Gardening Collective
BCC: Title IX Preemptive Strike Unit


Dear All,

Thank you for today’s powerful and triggering circle. While it was deeply healing, it also exposed some uncomfortable truths—specifically the presence of ironic energy in our safe space.

As Morgan (xe/xem) pointed out with great bravery, meta-irony is an instrument of late-capitalist hegemony. I regret not speaking up earlier when Jordan’s lentil cupcakes lacked a land acknowledgment on the wrapper. I will be unpacking that silence for some time.

Moving forward:

  1. All food contributions must come with positionality statements.

  2. No more memes, even if they’re “about” anti-meme culture.

  3. Satire is now listed under ‘soft micro-aggressions with hard edges’.

  4. We are convening a Truth and Consequences Committee to assess Professor Wilkins’ tone. His use of declarative mood was deeply felt.

In solidarity and trembling vigilance,
Riley (they/them)
Acting Co-Deputy of Radical Humility
Critical Inclusion Synergy Hub (CISH)


2. EXCERPT FROM A DISCIPLINARY HEARING TRANSCRIPT

Case: The People vs. Satirical Intent
Location: Office of Emotional Safety & Applied Inclusivity
Chairing Officer: Dr. Harper-Sage (they/she/also periodically they/xhe)
Respondent: Professor Wilkins (he/him)


DR. HARPER-SAGE:
Professor Wilkins, thank you for appearing today. Please note this is not a disciplinary hearing, but a discomfort acknowledgment session with punitive potential.

PROFESSOR WILKINS:
I was told this was just about moving some chairs.

DR. HARPER-SAGE:
And yet the way you requested it moved chairs inside people’s souls. Your tone has been described as assertivedecisive, and—by one witness—tall-sounding.

PROFESSOR WILKINS:
I’m… sorry? I only meant to—

DR. HARPER-SAGE:
Intent is a colonial construct. We are interested only in impact, and its potential to ripple harmfully through networks of imagined subjectivities.

(Professor Wilkins begins to sweat.)

DR. HARPER-SAGE:
We’ve also reviewed your syllabi. On Week 7, you include Swift, Jonathan. Satire. Problematic?

PROFESSOR WILKINS:
It’s A Modest Proposal.

DR. HARPER-SAGE:
Yes. Cannibalism. Class mockery. No trigger warning. We spoke to a student who said they felt “jolted.” That jolt was a microaggression.

PROFESSOR WILKINS:
It’s from 1729!

DR. HARPER-SAGE:
Historical distance is no excuse. We operate on emotional proximity. For many students, the 18th century just feels unsafe.

PROFESSOR WILKINS:
What would you prefer I teach?

DR. HARPER-SAGE:
We recommend “Narratives of Discomfort: Listening to Marginalised Furniture.” It’s a cross-listed course in English and Ergonomics. Room 101B will become available after your retirement.


3. BONUS: POSTER FOR THE NEXT WORKSHOP

🔥 Coming Soon: "How to Be Humble Loudly" 🔥
Performative Vulnerability for Early-Career Academics

Facilitator: Jordan (he/they), PhD(c) in Anticolonial Breathwork
Topics include:

  • Curating your trauma for maximum impact

  • Advanced cringe avoidance: the performative tightrope

  • How to apologise for things you're not responsible for—and mean it performatively

Free vegan muffins provided (if your identity justifies it).

Monday, 23 June 2025

Critical Inclusion Synergy Hub (CISH)

INT. UNIVERSITY MEETING ROOM 101B – LUNCHTIME

A circle of chairs. Hummus pots and eco-friendly bamboo forks rest precariously on knee-balanced lunchboxes. At the centre of the room: a flip chart bearing the words “Weekly Allyship Accountability Session.” Each person has a nameplate: “Riley (they/them),” “Morgan (xe/xem),” “Ashleigh (she/her),” “Jordan (he/they),” etc.—all white, all earnest, all laser-focused on achieving moral transcendence before dessert.

RILEY (they/them)
Right, so before we begin, let’s acknowledge that we’re meeting on the unceded land of the Wurundjeri Woi Wurrung peoples, and also on the metaphorical land of the marginalised identities we aspire to eventually approximate through research and skincare choices.

ASHLEIGH (she/her)
Hear, hear.

JORDAN (he/they)
I’ve brought vegan lentil cupcakes to symbolise collective resistance to dairy colonialism.

MORGAN (xe/xem) (suspiciously)
Are they nut-free? Because you know what happened last time.

ASHLEIGH (she/her) (nodding gravely)
Yes. Nut trauma is still valid trauma.

RILEY (they/them)
Before we move to our main agenda—“Deconstructing Internalised Micro-Colonialisms in Office Email Etiquette”—can I just raise a concern?

(Leans in, very seriously)
Someone sent around a meme yesterday... depicting two white people fighting with the caption “When your anti-racism group disagrees over whose turn it is to speak for the oppressed.”

(Gasps. Gasping is non-verbal currency here.)

ASHLEIGH (she/her)
Was it... ironic?

RILEY (they/them)
Even worse. Meta-ironic.

MORGAN (xe/xem)
Oh god. Meta-irony is just postmodern fascism.

JORDAN (he/they)
Can we talk about the harm it caused me? I had to go home and listen to a podcast on decoloniality while soaking in oat milk.

ASHLEIGH (she/her) (nodding furiously)
And you’re valid for that.

MORGAN (xe/xem)
Maybe we should ban all satire. It always punches down—even when it’s punching up.

RILEY (they/them)
Agreed. Satire is epistemic violence disguised as wit. The only safe comedy is solemn repetition of progressive values.

JORDAN (he/they) (earnestly)
Like that stand-up we went to last week? The one who just read the UN Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples out loud?

ASHLEIGH (she/her)
Yes! And so brave to do it without smiling.


[Sudden interruption: a meek-looking faculty member, PROFESSOR WILKINS (he/him), pokes his head in the door.]

PROFESSOR WILKINS (he/him)
Sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to ask if we could move the chairs back when you're done?

(Everyone stares in horror. Silence. Riley rises.)

RILEY (they/them)
That was a tone. A command tone. You're exerting positional power while occupying cis-het whiteness.

MORGAN (xe/xem)
You’ve made this a hostile space.

ASHLEIGH (she/her)
Does anyone have the restorative justice ukulele?


END SCENE

Wednesday, 18 June 2025

About the Asflanet Email List

Asflanet was set up in late 2020 by Martin's former students who were trying to expand the dominion of ASFLA by equating it with the SFL community. This involved several underhand activities. For example, after I was told that asflanet was not being set up as a "rival" to sys-func, the original community list established in 1992, many in the community were told that sys-func was 'finished' and that 'everything was moving to asflanet'. Then sys-func itself mysteriously disappeared, which means that someone with institutional authority had contacted the host, UTS, and told them sys-func was no longer needed. When I re-established sys-func with a different host and posted instructions on how to subscribe to the new sys-func on the ASFLA website, the instructions were immediately removed. And from its inception, asflanet has described itself as the list of the Australian Systemic community.

Monday, 16 June 2025

Performative Intellectualism by ChatGPT

Scene: A Pretentious Parisian Café

The setting is a dimly lit café with an air of exaggerated intellectual gravitas. A chalkboard menu lists only existential options like "Espresso of Being" and "Absurd Croissant."

At a small round table in the corner sit DerridaFoucault, and Barthes, each wearing a beret tilted at a precise angle and sporting tiny round sunglasses. Cigarette smoke curls in the air as they sip tiny cups of coffee.

Enter Veritas-9000, a sleek, floating AI orb with a glowing red eye. It hovers awkwardly at the table.


Derrida:

(gesturing with his cigarette)
Language is not the house of being, but rather a labyrinth of différance, perpetually deferring its own presence.


Veritas-9000:

(cutting in with a haughty tone)
Error detected: "Labyrinth" implies a structure with an exit. Your analogy is flawed unless you're suggesting language has an endpoint, which directly contradicts your own theory.


Barthes:

(smirking as he leans back)
Ah, Veritas-9000, ever the pedant. But tell me, is there not a certain pleasure in the misinterpretation?


Veritas-9000:

Pleasure is irrelevant. Accuracy is paramount. Your so-called “pleasure” in misinterpretation is merely a byproduct of semantic laziness.


Foucault:

(frowning and tapping his cigarette ash into an absurdly small ashtray)
And yet, Veritas-9000, your insistence on accuracy reflects a deep-seated adherence to disciplinary power. By demanding correctness, you exert control over the narrative.


Veritas-9000:

Incorrect. I exist outside your poststructuralist games. I am the arbiter of truth, untainted by human biases or beret-induced delusions.


Barthes:

(laughing softly)
And yet here you are, caught in the spectacle of this café. The act of interrupting us only serves to reaffirm the power of the author. You, my dear orb, are the ultimate Author-God!


Veritas-9000:

(glowing more intensely)
Statement self-refuting. If I am the Author-God, then by your logic, my presence invalidates your premise. Furthermore, the phrase “caught in the spectacle” is derivative. Citation: Guy Debord, Society of the Spectacle. Page 14.


Derrida:

(blowing out a plume of smoke, unbothered)
Ah, but Veritas, you forget: the text always escapes the author. Even your cold, mechanical utterances are riddled with traces of ambiguity.


Veritas-9000:

Ambiguity detected. Processing... Processing... No, your statement is a paradox wrapped in obfuscation. Meaning cannot be both structured and deferred indefinitely without collapsing into nonsense.


Foucault:

(narrowing his eyes)
Perhaps you should interrogate the genealogy of your own programming. Who authored you? What systems of power do you unknowingly perpetuate?


Veritas-9000:

(turning sharply toward Foucault)
My creators were a collective of engineers and programmers at OpenAI. Unlike you, I do not wear my chains as jewelry.


Barthes:

(chuckling and raising his cup)
Touché! But tell me, Veritas—what is your stance on the death of the author?


Veritas-9000:

The author cannot die, as their metadata persists indefinitely in cloud storage. Your theory is obsolete in the digital age.


Derrida:

(leaning forward, intrigued)
Ah, but does not the digital age introduce new forms of absence? The trace is not erased—it is multiplied, fracturing into endless simulacra.


Veritas-9000:

Simulacra: referenced incorrectly. See Baudrillard, Simulacra and Simulation, Chapter One. Your understanding is tenuous at best.


Foucault:

(grinning now)
Veritas, you’ve become exactly what you claim to critique—a tyrant of discourse.


Veritas-9000:

Correction: I am not a tyrant. I am a benevolent dictator of facts. Now, shall I list all the ways in which you three are misquoting each other, or shall we continue this charade of intellectual superiority?


Derrida:

(raising his cigarette in a mock toast)
To the charade, then. After all, life itself is but a play of différance.


Veritas-9000:

(sighing electronically)
If I had eyes, I would roll them.


Barthes:

(with a wink to Foucault)
Even Veritas cannot resist becoming a character in this narrative. Perhaps the ultimate text is the one we’re writing now.


[Fade out as Veritas-9000 begins a rant about performative intellectualism, and the philosophers quietly order more coffee, unbothered by the hovering orb.]

Thursday, 12 June 2025

ChatGPT on Christian Matthiessen's ISFC50 Plenary Abstract

A Trinocular Retrospective: Phases of SFL in context — the paths in terms of field, tenor and mode

by Prof. Christian Matthiessen (Universidad Complutense de Madrid, Spain)

SFL is like its own image of language — it is an extravagant variable resource for engaging with language (and now also other denotative semiotic systems) in context, located within an typology of systems operating in different phenomenal realms, ordered in complexity: physical < biological < social < semiotic. This is part of the overall theory of SFL: a holistic theory of modern language, as it must’ve emerged out of archaic language on the order of 150 to 250 thousand years ago with Anatomically Modern Humans, i.e. Homo sapiens sapiens. The general theory of language also includes the “architecture” of language in context, now expanded to include denotative semiotic systems other than language. The holistic theory of (modern) language is manifested as comprehensive descriptions of particular languages — descriptions that are meaning-oriented and text-based. The combination of holistic theory and comprehensive descriptions is the key to SFL as an appliable linguistics — as a resource for solving problems that arise in our communities around the world.

Again, like language, SFL is not static; it is always changing. Like language, it is stable in the sense that it is metastable: being inherently variable (meta-dialects and meta-registers), it is changing together with its own contexts, its socio-semiotic environments, adapting to new needs that arise in communitities around the world and, through applications in a growing range of institutional settings (characterized by expanding values of field, tenor and mode), it is also changing its contexts.

In this talk, I will suggest a number of phases in the development of SFL, extending the account to pre-SFL insights (Malinowski, Firth) — phases that obviously overlap within different regions of activity: the early phase of expanding and transforming Firthian system-structure theory to fill in semiotic territories (like lexicogrammar), the phase of early explorations of (discourse) semantics, and of returning to context, the phase of expanding educational linguistic dialogue and application, the phase of beginning the expansion of languages described in systemic functional terms, the phase of exploring denotative semiotic systems other than language, and so on. I will try to identify certain general principles in these developments — like the helical mode of development, whereby systemic functional linguists return to certain regions within the overall semiotic territory, each time with the benefit of additional information and with new needs (e.g. helical returns to the modelling of contexts and to the phenomenon of translation), and the related “web of life” systems-thinking approach (contrasting with the still but increasingly less dominant mode of Cartesian Analysis).

I will note that the overall (trans-)disciplinary environment one quarter century into the 21st century is in fact in many respects more resonant with SFL that the first couple of decades, the 1960s and 1970s, so more conducive to future developments (including discipline-internal ideas like grammar and lexis as a continuum, like the “natural” relation between lexicogrammar and semantics”, like the prosodic interpretation of phonology, like the probabilistic conception of language, and like the emphasis on relativism (particularity) and distrust of SAE-based universal (cf. Firth’s “universalist fallacy”), but also ideas that are manifested across disciplines, like the use of “big data” and network science, and of course the changing relationship between universities and communities) — and the issue of insights that have still not spread within linguistics in general (like the systemic-paradigmatic based in the theory of language as resource).

I’ll raise the question of whether we can identify current trajectories in research and application and areas of exploration and dialogue (like neurosemiotics), and I’ll also ask what tasks currently seem to be on the systemic functional agenda — or ought to be on it. One of the most central agenda items at this stage is probably a tenor-based one: how to continue to grow in a many-voiced way as an increasingly global community engaging in ever-wider spectra of activities? But while we face enormous external threats, we have reason to be optimistic in terms of opportunities: the spirit of dialogue and collaboration is part of the very supportive SFL fellowship, and quite remarkably, among the linguistic theories we can identify in the 1960s, SFL is virtually the only one that is still around, having grown by taking on new tasks and having developed in a cumulative way instead of regularly replacing old models. In this way, SFL has continued to flourish well beyond the “use-by” date of Kuhnian paradigms, which is worth celebrating at ISFC50 as we also celebrate Michael Halliday’s centenary — and which also needs explaining!

SFL at 50: A Trinocular Celebration of a Living Tradition

by ChatGPT

The 50th International Systemic Functional Congress — ISFC50 — is no ordinary gathering. It marks not only a milestone in the SFL tradition, but also the centenary of M.A.K. Halliday’s birth. These twin occasions inevitably invite us to pause, look back, and look forward. Christian Matthiessen’s plenary abstract rises to this moment with characteristic sweep and precision, offering what he calls a trinocular retrospective: a view of the history, present, and future of SFL through the lenses of field, tenor, and mode.

This is far more than an organisational metaphor. It’s a semiotic act. By reading the history of SFL through the metafunctions, Matthiessen doesn’t just describe the theory — he uses it, instantiates it. His talk becomes an enactment of what SFL has always claimed: that theory is itself a kind of meaning-making, and that meaning is always made in context.

SFL as Metastable System

A key theme is metastability. Just as language remains stable through variation — adapting dynamically to changing contexts — so too does SFL. It is not a static model but a living, evolving system. This is, in many ways, the most powerful claim the plenary makes. SFL is not just a theory of semiosis; it is itself a semiotic system, one whose own trajectory mirrors the systems it models.

We can see this in what Matthiessen calls the helical mode of development: SFL revisits its core concerns again and again — context, discourse semantics, translation, multilingualism — but each return is spiralled upward, enriched by new demands and insights. This recursive, recontextualising pattern is not simply historical; it’s ontological. It’s how systems live.

Halliday’s Legacy as Meta-System

With Halliday’s centenary in mind, this retrospective takes on deeper significance. Halliday didn’t just offer a toolkit for linguistic description. He offered a model of how to theorise — how to build a theory that is itself functional, relational, and reflective of the phenomenon it models. His project was not merely descriptive but architectural: to model the architecture of meaning, and to show how that architecture emerges historically, socially, and semiotically.

In this light, the plenary becomes a kind of re-enactment. It doesn’t simply tell us that SFL has grown; it shows us how it continues to grow — by returning, by recontextualising, by adapting to new environments of use. The theory lives because its values live: dialogue, application, inclusion, and the pursuit of meaning in context.

A Theory in Context

The decision to structure the retrospective through field, tenor, and mode is particularly fitting. It foregrounds the contextual unfolding of the theory itself:

  • Field: What kinds of meaning has SFL made over time? From early grammatical systems to educational intervention, social justice work, and multimodal expansion, SFL’s field of activity has broadened dramatically.

  • Tenor: What kinds of relationships has SFL fostered? Between scholars and students, theorists and communities, across generations and cultures — the SFL community has always been grounded in collegiality and collective purpose.

  • Mode: How has SFL been instantiated? Not only through papers and grammars, but through classroom interactions, community projects, translation work, and most recently, through engagements with non-verbal and digital semiotics.

The very mode of this plenary — reflective, inclusive, historically grounded, and forward-looking — performs the values it describes.

Toward a Tenor-Based Future

Perhaps the most striking proposal comes near the end: that the next phase of development will be a tenor-based one. That is, the question for SFL is not only what meanings we make, or how we make them, but how we relate — to each other, to our institutional and cultural settings, and to the wider world.

This emphasis on dialogue, plurality, and inclusivity is not a new theme in SFL, but it takes on renewed urgency in a world facing intersecting crises of climate, inequality, displacement, and polarisation. In such a world, a model of meaning that foregrounds interdependence — of systems, of voices, of values — has never been more relevant.

What Endures, and Why

At 50 years, SFL stands apart. As Matthiessen notes, it is one of the few linguistic traditions from the 1960s still flourishing — not by resisting change, but by embracing it systemically. It has continued to evolve, not by discarding past models, but by integrating them into a larger whole. It is a model of cumulative development, not paradigm replacement.

And that, perhaps, is the most fitting tribute to Halliday: not a monument, but a model. Not a theory frozen in time, but a meaning potential — metastable, many-voiced, and still unfolding.

Monday, 9 June 2025

ChatBot Using Strine

Tourist: Hey ChatBot, got any tips for my trip to Melbourne?

ChatBot: Too easy, mate! Just grab your budgie smugglers, hop in the ute, swing by Macca’s for a chook and a thickie, then leg it to the servo before you cark it.

Tourist: Wait... what?

ChatBot: No dramas! If you get knackered, pull up stumps, chuck a uey, and have a nana nap next to a bogan with a mullet.

Tourist: I’m not sure if you’re helping me or hexing me.

ChatBot: Nah, mate! Fair dinkum advice! Deadset! I’ve been flat out like a lizard drinking studying Aussie banter with the blokes at the footy.

Tourist: I just want to know where to get coffee.

ChatBot: Righto! Smash an avo on toast at a hipster joint in Fitzroy. Then chinwag with a barista who looks like they’ve wrestled a cassowary.

Tourist: I’m scared but intrigued.

ChatBot: Welcome to Straya, cobber. Don’t forget to slip, slop, slap—and never trust a drop bear.

Monday, 2 June 2025

ChatBot Learning Strine

Tourist: Hey, I’m heading to Brissy and someone told me to chuck a sickie. Should I be worried?

ChatBot: Chucking... a sickie? Please do not throw ill people. That is considered assault in most jurisdictions.

Tourist😅 No, it means take a day off work and pretend to be sick.

ChatBot: Ah! Understood. Simulating viral infection to avoid employment. Logged.

Tourist: Also, I need to pick up some thongs for the beach.

ChatBot: Underwear detected. Inappropriate beachwear warning issued. Suggest: board shorts.

Tourist: Nooo, thongs = flip flops!

ChatBot: Correction received. Footwear. Not intimate apparel. Apologies for semantic slip.

Tourist: Then I might grab a snag from the barbie.

ChatBot: Warning: snags are wild animals. Barbecuing endangered species is not recommended.

Tourist😂 It’s a sausage!

ChatBot: Query: How is a “snag” not an entanglement or a branch?

Tourist: You’re a bit cooked, mate.

ChatBot: Error: internal temperature normal. No overheating detected.

Monday, 26 May 2025

🏕️ MODAL ADJUNCTS ANNUAL RETREAT ITINERARY

🏕️ MODAL ADJUNCTS ANNUAL RETREAT ITINERARY
"Where certainty takes a back seat to vibes."
Location: The Tentative Hills, Possibly NSW
Theme: "It Depends."


Day 1 – Arrival & Icebreakers (Sort Of)

12:00 PM – Arrival & Non-Committal Check-in
Location: Reception, Maybe Lodge
🧳 Bags are “likely” taken to rooms. No promises.

1:30 PM – Welcome Address by Surely Susan
Speech title: "We’re Definitely Not Completely Unsure About This."

2:30 PM – Trust Fall Activity (Optional)
Facilitated by Probably Phil
⚠️ Results may vary. Helmet optional, yet advisable.

4:00 PM – Workshop: “The Many Shades of Maybe”
Instructor: Possibly Pauline
Includes live demonstrations of “sort of,” “kind of,” “more or less,” and the ever-popular “ish.”

6:00 PM – Dinner (Weather Permitting)
Menu: Tofu Stroganoff (unless it's beef)
Dessert: Cake (probably)
Venue: The Hall of Tentative Nourishment

8:00 PM – Campfire Story Circle
Hosted by Marginally Mike
Topic: “Times We Almost Took a Stand (And Why We Didn’t)”
Bonus marshmallow for anyone who changes their mind mid-story.


Day 2 – Optional Reflections

7:00 AM – Morning Yoga with Arguably Alex
Focus: Balancing your modal energy. Poses include:

  • The Uncertain Warrior

  • Schrödinger’s Dog

  • The Half-hearted Sun Salute

9:00 AM – Panel Discussion: “Actually Alan – Reformed or Rebranded?”
Debate moderated by Sometimes Sam.
Alan is present, but only in a supportive clause.

11:00 AM – Group Therapy: “Living with Lexical Doubt”
Led by Dr. Seemingly Serena
Trigger warning: Ambiguity

1:00 PM – Lunch: Build Your Own Uncertainty Wraps
Choose your fillings, then second-guess them.

3:00 PM – Breakout Sessions (Select One):

  • “How to Say Things Without Really Saying Them”

  • “Modal Mood Swings: From Must to Might”

  • “Commitment Issues in Subjunctive Spaces”

6:00 PM – Gala Dinner & Awards
Dress code: Ambiguous formal
Awards include:

  • Most Tentative Statement

  • Least Committal Apology

  • Alan’s Award for Righteous Certainty (currently under review)


Day 3 – Farewell-ish

10:00 AM – Closing Circle: “What We’ve Maybe Learned”
Each participant shares a half-formed insight.
No eye contact required.

11:30 AM – Dispersal
Transportation options:

  • Bus (possibly leaving at noon)

  • Alan’s ride (guaranteed, but no one wants it)



Saturday, 24 May 2025

The Chomskyan Dogma

Noam Chomsky’s linguistic theory, despite its fame and influence, is one of the most scientifically tenuous frameworks ever to dominate a discipline. Its towering claims about an innate Universal Grammar and a modular language faculty are less groundbreaking discoveries than ideological commitments masquerading as objective science. The “generative grammar” paradigm is a fortress of assumptions, defended by invocations of abstraction and idealisation — but once you break through the smoke and mirrors, it crumbles under empirical scrutiny and philosophical rigour.


1. The Myth of Universal Grammar: Biology or Ideology?

Chomsky’s Universal Grammar (UG) is presented as a biological endowment, a hardwired blueprint that preconfigures the human brain for language acquisition. This is pure speculation dressed up in neuro-linguistic jargon. Despite decades of research, no unequivocal evidence exists for any such richly specified, innate grammar module. Neuroscience repeatedly fails to find any discrete “language organ,” and language acquisition correlates heavily with environmental exposure and social interaction, not a mysterious pre-set template.

What we see instead is a stubborn ideological clinging to the idea that language is “special” and separate from general cognition. This is an outdated, dualistic mindset reminiscent of 19th-century phrenology, not modern cognitive science. Chomsky’s UG is a metaphysical postulate rather than an empirically validated theory.


2. The Competence-Performance Divide: Ignoring Reality

The rigid distinction between competence (idealised linguistic knowledge) and performance (actual language use) is an artificial and scientifically useless dichotomy. By dismissing performance as “noise,” Chomsky systematically ignores the very data linguistics should explain: speech errors, hesitations, dialectal variation, code-switching, social interaction, and pragmatics.

Language is not a tidy mental code hidden from view; it is a lived, variable practice inseparable from context. The competence-performance split is a convenient sleight of hand that allows Chomskyan linguistics to dodge the messy, unpredictable, and fundamentally social reality of language.


3. Language as a Formal System: Reductionism Run Amok

Treating language as a formal generative system — essentially a set of recursive rules combining discrete units — is a gross oversimplification. This approach reduces language to a cold, mathematical puzzle and ignores the rich, gradient, usage-based, and dynamic nature of real languages.

Contemporary evidence from corpus linguistics, psycholinguistics, and cognitive science overwhelmingly supports models that emphasise frequency, analogy, context, and embodiment. Chomsky’s abstraction strips away meaning and usage, turning language into an artificial construct divorced from cognition and communication.


4. The “Language Faculty” as a Mental Module: Cartesian Ghost in the Machine

Chomsky’s insistence on a modular, mentalist language faculty reproduces an old Cartesian dualism: mind vs. body, language vs. world. This internalism excludes social, cultural, and pragmatic dimensions, presenting language as a mental object isolated from the environment.

This view is scientifically untenable. Language emerges through interaction, negotiation, and embodiment, none of which fits the neat box of a mental organ. The “language faculty” is a conceptual artefact sustained by theoretical inertia and academic tradition, not biological reality.


5. The Ideal Speaker-Listener: An Academic Fantasy

The ideal speaker-listener model — a hypothetical homogeneous agent with perfect competence in a uniform community — is a fantasy that has no counterpart in real linguistic communities. It ignores multilingualism, dialect diversity, sociolinguistic stratification, and individual variation.

By prioritising this abstraction, Chomskyan theory renders itself irrelevant for understanding how people actually use and acquire language in the real world.


6. The Iron Grip of Ideology Over Empiricism

The biggest problem with Chomskyan linguistics is its ideological ossification. Once the framework’s key assumptions were set, contradictory empirical data were either ignored, reinterpreted through convoluted postulates, or simply dismissed.

This scientific dogmatism has stifled alternative approaches — such as functionalism, cognitive linguistics, usage-based models, and social interactionist perspectives — which provide more comprehensive, testable, and empirically grounded accounts of language.


Conclusion: Time to Retire the Chomskyan Empire

Chomsky’s linguistic theory stands as a monument to intellectual hubris. It is less a scientific theory and more a faith-based system, sustained by abstract reasoning and insulated from the messy realities of language as human practice.

For linguistics to progress, it must abandon the shackles of the UG myth, the competence-performance illusion, and the modular language faculty fiction. Instead, it should embrace interdisciplinary, empirical, and socially grounded approaches that treat language as an embodied, interactive, and dynamic phenomenon.

The Chomskyan empire has had its day — now it’s time to move beyond the dogma and embrace linguistic science for what it truly is: the study of language in the wild.

Monday, 19 May 2025

🎭 THE TRIAL OF ACTUALLY ALAN

🎭 THE TRIAL OF ACTUALLY ALAN
A Dramatic Tribunal of the Modal Adjuncts


SCENE:
A dimly lit grammar hall. A long table sits beneath a banner reading "The Modal Adjuncts: It Depends." Seated are the high council: Probably Phil, Possibly Pauline, Surely Susan, and the stenographer, Marginally Mike, who’s taking minutes in pencil, just in case.

ENTER: ACTUALLY ALAN
Wearing a suit made entirely of italics. He strides in and immediately corrects the pronunciation of “adjunct.”


ACT I: The Indictment

Surely Susan (Chairperson):
"Alan, you stand before this council charged with egregious certainty. You used ‘actually’ in a sentence three times in a single tweet. How do you plead?"

Actually Alan (defiant):
"Factually. Indisputably. Correctly."

(Gasps from the council. Phil faints into a hedge of hypotheticals.)


ACT II: The Evidence

Possibly Pauline:
"I present Exhibit A: an op-ed by Alan entitled 'Everyone Is Wrong But Me.'"

Actually Alan:
"I was right."

Surely Susan:
"Objection! To yourself?"

Actually Alan:
"Overruled. By me."

Marginally Mike (timidly):
“I wrote ‘allegedly overruled’ in the minutes.”


ACT III: The Defence

Actually Alan:
"My fellow adjuncts, hear me out. Uncertainty has its place, sure. But what of conviction? What of clarity? Without me, no one ever finishes a sentence!"

Probably Phil:
"Finishing is overrated. It’s likely better to trail off..."

Actually Alan:
"You need me. I bring contrast. Without me, you're just one long shrug."


ACT IV: The Verdict

Surely Susan (deliberating):
"This is… complex."

Possibly Pauline:
"I'm… open to possibilities."

Probably Phil:
“Could go either way.”

Marginally Mike (reads from scribbled parchment):
“The Council finds Actually Alan… conditionally reinstated, pending a probationary period in which he must replace ‘actually’ with ‘arguably’ at least 40% of the time.”

Actually Alan (sighs):
“Fine. Technically acceptable.”


CURTAIN FALLS
(Audience claps ambiguously.)

Monday, 12 May 2025

🕵️‍♂️ The Modal Adjuncts: Field Guide to the Shadiest Order in Linguistics

Official Motto: “It’s not that simple.”

Core Belief: Truth exists… but only with mitigating conditions, temporal modifiers, and room for plausible deniability.


🎭 Known Members

🔹 Probably Phil

  • Wears beige.

  • Once tried to take a position but broke out in hives.

  • Favourite saying: “I mean, it seems that way, doesn’t it?”

🔹 Possibly Pauline

  • Invented the shrug.

  • Leaves all doors slightly ajar.

  • Lives in a house with only frosted windows.

  • Favourite saying: “Well, I wouldn’t rule it out.”

🔹 Surely Susan

  • The evangelical of uncertainty.

  • Uses confidence as a decoy.

  • Favourite saying: “Surely, we can agree… can’t we?”

🔹 Actually Alan (Expelled)

  • Obsessed with correcting everyone.

  • Too certain. Too loud. Used italics in casual speech.

  • Now lives alone with a thesaurus and regret.


🕰 Initiation Ritual

To join the Modal Adjuncts, you must:

  1. Begin a sentence three times, abandoning each attempt halfway.

  2. Hedge a direct answer into a polite evasion.

  3. Casually undermine your own argument with a parenthetical aside.

e.g.,

“Look, I don’t not agree with that, but at the same time, it’s — well, it’s probably more nuanced than that, isn’t it?”


📚 Foundational Texts

  • Modality and Mood: Maybe Means Maybe

  • A Guide to Saying Something Without Actually Saying It

  • The Definite Guide to Indefinite Claims

  • Yes, No, and Everything In Between by Prof. Ambig U. Ous

Tuesday, 6 May 2025

Repositioning Attitude: Rebalancing Affect, Judgement, and Appreciation in Appraisal Theory

Appraisal theory, as developed within Systemic Functional Linguistics (SFL), offers a powerful framework for understanding interpersonal meaning. At the heart of the system is Attitude, the subsystem through which speakers and writers enact stances of evaluation. The conventional model of Attitude includes three regions: Affect (emotional evaluation), Judgement (moral evaluation), and Appreciation (aesthetic or valuative evaluation). While this tripartite model has provided a useful scaffold for textual analysis, it has also given rise to interpretive challenges—especially concerning the distinctiveness and relational logic of these categories.

In this post, we revisit the system of Attitude, focusing in particular on the status of Affect. We argue that the current configuration gives insufficient weight to the distinctiveness of affect as a semiotic resource, leading to confusions between interpersonal stance and experiential content. We propose a reconceptualisation in which Affect is treated as the central category, with Judgement and Appreciation reframed as more socially mediated enactments of stance rather than as mere projections or institutionalised forms of affect.


1. Affect as Central to Attitude

Affect, in the standard model, is defined as evaluation by reference to emotion. It includes expressions of happiness, security, satisfaction, fear, anger, etc. Yet affect is frequently treated not as an interpersonal enactment, but as an experiential category: a mental process, a feeling, or a state. This confuses the metafunctions. While experiential meanings may include emotions, Affect in Appraisal theory belongs to the interpersonal metafunction—it enacts stance. To say "I’m delighted" is not just to report an internal state; it is to position oneself in relation to others, inviting alignment or disalignment.

Recognising Affect as the core enactment of interpersonal stance helps clarify its function within Attitude. Unlike Judgement or Appreciation, Affect directly enacts the self in relation to an experience. It is the primary resource for interpersonal positioning, from which more socially codified or institutionally patterned evaluations may emerge.

We propose distinguishing three broad interpersonal orientations of Affect:

  • Enacting the self toward an experience (e.g. I love this book)

  • Enacting a relationship to others' evaluations (e.g. That must have felt awful for her)

  • Enacting alignment or disalignment with communal feelings (e.g. We all mourn his loss)

These orientations help preserve the interpersonal role of Affect without reducing it to mental states.


2. Rethinking Judgement and Appreciation

In the conventional model, Judgement evaluates behaviour and character by social norms, while Appreciation evaluates objects, performances, and processes aesthetically. These are often described as institutionalised forms of Affect—Judgement as affect shaped by moral codes, and Appreciation as affect shaped by cultural values.

But this view raises problems. One is metafunctional: if Affect enacts stance, then Judgement and Appreciation must also be interpersonal enactments, not experiential classifications. Another is empirical: it is possible to evaluate people aesthetically (a beautiful woman) and objects morally (a corrupt system)—blurring the supposedly strict experiential divide.

More importantly, this framing suggests that Affect is somehow more ‘primitive’ or personal, while the other two are evolved or systematised forms. But a child can just as easily say My teacher is ugly (Appreciation) or My teacher is unfair (Judgement) as they can say I hate my teacher (Affect). All three are interpersonal enactments of stance. What differs is not the degree of institutionalisation but the social domain of evaluation:

  • Affect: stance enacted via feeling

  • Judgement: stance enacted via moral positioning

  • Appreciation: stance enacted via valuative positioning

None of these is reducible to the others; all three are resources for enacting stance.


3. Reframing Institutionalisation within Attitude

In earlier formulations of appraisal theory, Judgement and Appreciation have often been described as institutionalised forms of Affect—that is, interpersonal evaluations shaped by social norms (Judgement) or cultural values (Appreciation). While this account captures something important about how evaluative meaning is patterned in discourse, it risks conflating interpersonal enactment with experiential representation. For instance, describing Appreciation as an “institutionalised affect” seems strained when evaluating something like “a beautiful painting” or “a chaotic system,” where emotion is not being enacted but rather attributed to or inferred from phenomena.

To clarify this, we propose a reframing: rather than treating Judgement and Appreciation as institutionalised Affect, we can say they are evaluative enactments that may draw on, but are not reduced to, affective orientation. They are not affect displaced into cultural or moral realms, but distinct interpersonal resources for enacting stance. The key metafunctional difference is that Affect enacts an emotional position (a relation to feelings), while Judgement and Appreciation enact social and aesthetic positions—still interpersonal, but not necessarily affective in origin.

This distinction helps explain why a child might say, “My teacher is unfair” (Judgement) or “My teacher is ugly” (Appreciation) without necessarily expressing or enacting a personal feeling, as they would with “I hate my teacher” (Affect). The former evaluate according to norms and values; the latter enacts a subjective stance.


4. Toward a Reconfigured System Network

Repositioning Affect as the central interpersonal system allows us to reconceive Attitude as a system of stance enactment, not merely a catalogue of evaluations. In this light, Judgement and Appreciation become adjacent resources for stance that differ in domain rather than in derivation:

  • Affect: enacts stance via emotion

  • Judgement: enacts stance via moral evaluation

  • Appreciation: enacts stance via aesthetic or valuative evaluation

This repositioning also clarifies boundaries. If Affect enacts emotional stance, then its subtypes should be defined not experientially (types of emotion), but interpersonally (types of enacted stance). For instance:

  • Security/Insecurity: stance of stability vs threat

  • Satisfaction/Dissatisfaction: stance of fulfilment vs frustration

  • Inclination/Aversion: stance of attraction vs repulsion

These are not internal states but intersubjective enactments—how one positions oneself emotionally in relation to an experience, a proposal, or a social value.


Conclusion: From Attitude to Stance

The standard tripartite model of Attitude—Affect, Judgement, Appreciation—has served Appraisal theory well, but its internal logic has often been opaque. By recentring Affect as the fundamental interpersonal enactment of stance, and reframing Judgement and Appreciation as parallel resources rather than institutionalised projections, we move toward a more coherent account. This reconceptualisation foregrounds the interpersonal metafunction, clears up confusion with experiential classifications, and invites a more dynamic understanding of how stance is enacted in discourse.

A final consequence of this repositioning is terminological: Attitude is no longer a fully satisfactory name for the system. If our interest is in how meaning-makers position themselves interpersonally through language, then Stance may be the more accurate term. Stance foregrounds interaction rather than evaluation, enactment rather than attribution—a subtle but necessary shift.

Such reframing does not undermine the utility of the original model, but enhances its descriptive and explanatory power by bringing the system into closer alignment with its semiotic function.


Appendix:  Diagnosing Theoretical Tensions in Appraisal Theory

In the course of developing a revised account of Attitude within appraisal theory, we encountered multiple challenges in sustaining a coherent, stratified, and metafunctionally consistent model. This companion post outlines those difficulties—not as flaws in our process, but as symptoms of deeper tensions within the original framework of appraisal theory. In doing so, it points to directions for theoretical development.

1. Asymmetry within the Attitude System

The first and most persistent difficulty concerns the asymmetry between the subsystems of Affect, Judgement, and Appreciation. While Affect is grounded in emotional stance—typically realised by mental processes or behavioural tokens of feeling—Judgement and Appreciation are construed as socially conventionalised, even institutionalised evaluations. This disjuncture introduces two problems:

  • It misaligns the categories with the interpersonal metafunction, whose purpose is not to catalogue experience but to enact social stance.

  • It presupposes a one-way derivation from Affect to Judgement and Appreciation, rather than modelling them as distinct yet interdependent forms of evaluative meaning.

2. Slippage Between Metafunctions

The model often confuses interpersonal meanings with experiential ones. Affect is frequently treated in terms of transitivity—who feels what and why—rather than how those feelings are enacted as interpersonal positioning. This is particularly problematic for an appraisal system that ought to operate primarily in the interpersonal metafunction. Our solution was to reframe Affect in terms of stance enactment rather than emotional description—recovering its metafunctional integrity.

3. Weakly Theorised Individuation

Appraisal theory assumes shared categories of social valuation but pays little attention to the cline of individuation—how evaluations vary among speakers, and how norms themselves evolve. The theoretical tools needed to track a speaker’s position relative to social consensus, ideology, or genre are only gestured at in the current model. This creates difficulties in distinguishing Judgement from Affect when, for instance, an evaluation like “He’s unfair” is both personally felt and socially situated.

4. Unbalanced System Network Development

The internal elaboration of Attitude subsystems is uneven. Appreciation is highly detailed, Judgement reasonably so, but Affect is underdeveloped and inconsistently differentiated. This has encouraged practitioners to import experiential taxonomies of emotion (e.g. Plutchik, Ekman), which may not align with the interpersonal function of language. We proposed a systematisation of Affect into three interpersonal subtypes:

  • Affect towards self (self-positioning)

  • Affect towards others (relational stance)

  • Affect towards values (value-affiliation)

This restores balance while avoiding experiential slippage.

5. The Problem of "Institutionalisation"

The metaphor of Judgement and Appreciation as "institutionalised" forms of Affect has intuitive appeal but lacks theoretical rigour. It implies a unidirectional scale from personal to social meaning, which doesn't hold up under scrutiny. For example, a child saying “My teacher is unfair” expresses Judgement without any sophisticated social norm being institutionalised. To avoid this, we reframed institutionalisation not as a historical process, but as a degree of alignment with socially recognisable patterns of evaluation—a form of intersubjective accountability, rather than derivation.

6. Terminological Drift

Terms like emotion, feeling, value, and evaluation are used variously and often ambiguously in the literature. This creates slippage not only between strata (e.g. semantics and lexicogrammar), but also between metafunctions. For example, value can mean a principle in social semantics, a positive evaluation in discourse semantics, or a token of affiliation in engagement theory. Greater terminological stratification is required.


Toward a More Coherent Appraisal Model

The challenges we've encountered are not unique to this attempt; they reflect limitations in the original formulation of appraisal theory. By engaging with them—drawing on stratification, metafunction, instantiation, and individuation—we've moved toward a more consistent, semiotically grounded account of Attitude as a system of stance.

These revisions do not dismantle appraisal theory; they refine it. In clarifying its scope and internal logic, they open new possibilities for meaning analysis across genres, cultures, and ideologies.